I skim Arabic scriptures Hoping He can deliver An answer to my soul’s question Cause right now I’m stressing Constantly trying to guess what my purpose is Because life has to be more than this I mean, damn its hard now So when we lose a soldier from the home ground We are left weakened by incompletion We all lost a piece of ourselves that night So let me step back into the light And revise my sights on what I need to do here You can’t tell me the end of the world ain’t near Living cloud nine Everyday get drunk – high To keep the demons inside from coming up Living it up Cause any day can be the last So if I’m ever asked If I have any regrets in my life I’ll only say I wish I lived it twice We’ve witnessed life’s ultimate lesson So if you don’t now realize your blessings Then my man died for nothing And all the hurt and pain isn’t worth my sorrow So quick to scream fuck tomorrow Long as the night before was sweet But would you feel the same If that sunrise wasn’t guaranteed In the past I didn’t always put God first Believing I was God’s worst For all the dumb things I’ve done Avoiding conversations one on one As if He couldn’t see what I’d become So when He showed me this sign Reminding me this life ain’t mine I had to draw the line and apply The knowledge I compiled Through my life trials And change my lifestyle And get right with Him I sacrifice my health to smoke weed all day But not pray? I could cop drinks from the bar But not attend the mosque? You talking ‘bout lost I was the walking definition And the only thing that led me to this decision Was the premonition that I may be casts to the flames Burning in my shame Cause I wanted to play games Instead of giving praise in Allah’s name So on the day of judgement when its time to take blame I’ll admit I was wrong Or I just wasn’t strong Because I refused strength when I refused God And I took the easy road when times got hard
As your past sins lie dormant in my mind, till my dreams have ended. I sit up on my bed where you were once welcome, Painfully reminded that you’ll never return. Weeks have passed, and your ghosts still haunt me. Just skeletons in disguise that once made me a fool. A naïve heart weakens the eye, blinding me. I held on trusting you would guide me home, But you only let me down. So I can’t let you back in, That would lower my worth. Yesterday is behind me now, Or I pretend well. Never repeat regret, It’s far worse than any mistake. I take steps to make the next day better. I couldn’t live with our past, So our future died. Many nights I cried. Eyes now lacking the glow you once released from my soul. It’s too late to console. I no longer desire the times we shared. I no longer yearn for you to just be there. I’m moving on.
They say its a hard. . . knock . . . life So I picked up a pen Cuz I couldn't rock the mic I just felt inspired to write I was thinkin' bout my lil boy (then I laughed) Cuz he's already a lil man (then I panicked) Cuz if he is to be righteous I gotta get a certified game plan (oh snap! this aint a game) See, at work I babysit a bunch of lames So I'll die before I let my son become the same When he was born, I promised him the world And in that instant, I became a mother No longer just ya'll homegirl They say its a hard . . . knock . . . life But everyday I bow before Allah and pray That his will turn . . . out . . . right
You see, when he smiles at me My soul is at peace And to hold him in my arms Is like a drug to me At night when he sleeps Its a joy to watch him breathe Whatever he needs, I'll provide it with ease So please . . . Allah Don't let him have a hard . . . knock . . . life May Your Will be done So will me to do . . . whats . . . right For that, I . . . will . . . fight
So now I sit outside and listen to others act out my role Remembering how I used to be your leading lady Till the curtain fell . . . my tears I never missed a rehearsal I never stuttered a line Now my name is paved on your ex-lover walk of fame And though I got the star I didn’t get your heart Sometimes, I wish I never got the part
I search for verses to express my mind’s opinion I’m hoping ya’ll hear me, or is this all worthless Though to inspire is my purpose Lack of inspiration often leaves me wordless
I’ve been through a lot over the years Faced many fears Shed twice as many tears Yet, I’m still here! Sometimes just thinking back Makes me relapse to the pain of the fact that, I lost some very close friends of mine It seems like, just when it’s ok Something or someone says, wait! Don’t take any of it for granted Because if you die tomorrow A million more will be born across the planet So did you count for something? Or were you just bluffing? And if you did something with your life You were God’s sacrifice But if you lived by the beast Your soul burns eternally So I pray on prostrated knees And asked to be guided righteously From the path I have strayed So there’s a price to be paid And all I wanted was a way
To express my mind’s opinion I’m hoping ya’ll hear me. or even better feel me Though to inspire is my purpose Lack of inspiration often leaves me wordless
Because now, even silence is loud They tell me the sun still shines But all I’m seeing are clouds I look and see how far we’ve all come And mostly I’m proud And I will forever miss the faces that aren’t amongst the crowd We in the last days now So if this isn’t enough to get you up Then we can’t be down I’m not here to preach Because before that I must teach I’m just hoping I’m able to reach ya’ll Before that contract called life is breached To those who helped mold me along the way I just want to say I’ll return that favor one day And I hope I never asked for too much Cause all I wanted was a way
To express my mind’s opinion I’m hoping ya’ll hear me, or is this all worthless Though to inspire is my purpose Lack of inspiration often leaves me wordless So I’ll say what I can, when I can And hope I’m forgiven for my weaknesses I am who I am
I'm ashamed, I'm lonely, I'm riddled with guilt I'm afraid, I'm paranoid, with rage I am filled I'm in love, I'm perfect, I'm full of pride I'm modest, I'm Muslim, so look me in the eye I eat kosher foods, I drink evil spirits I write eloquent poems, I rock out to dirty lyrics At work I am calm, in the streets I act a fool Did you know that about me???? Look how I fooled you!
Islam is perfect, but I don't practice it well I strive for Paradise, I fear I'll see Hell I should pray 5 times a day, I shouldn't use profanity I should hold strong in my faith, I should fight for my sanity I shouldn't regret my mistakes, I should move on and learn I shouldn't blame my opposition, I should let it burn Sometimes at night I cry, I shed vacant tears Sometimes to Allah I whisper, so only He will hear When I'm angry I like to fight, I never meant to hurt you Did you know that about me??? Look how well I had you fooled!
I don't give a damn, but mostly I care I'm a hustler at heart, knowing I should play fair I'll eat till I'm full, I don't care if you starve I'll give you my last to make sure you 'ard I take compliments well, that make me vain? This world is beneath me, does that make me Queen?? I used to smoke weed, now, only blacks Yeah I know I should quit, go 'head with that! I don't see my ol homies much, we were all so close Ahh to Hell with them, still miss em though I got 2 nephews and a niece who deserve the best But my son comes now, what did you expect? Khalil comes first, but before all there is God Allah holds my faith, but Khalil holds my heart My son, My love, My soul, My dream My GOD, My life, My existence, My being
I'm bold, I'm brave, I'll shatter your world I'm evil, I'm a bitch, you only think you know I'm innocent, I'm vulnerable, I'm sincere when I speak This is who I am, here's a glimpse of me
Heart, stop being stubborn and let go of the past You were there when things fell apart You know why it didn't last Lies were told, games were played We fell too deeply, so let those memories fade
Heart, please don't stress Don't make my mind reminisce Don't bring back those old feelings Don't make us live like this Maybe he does regret his mistakes And maybe his words are sincere But do you really want us to take that chance To just end up right back here You, shattered in pieces Me, drenched in tears We gotta whole lifetime together With him we wasted 3 years
Heart, be smart about this You gotta ignore these feelings you have I mean, look at the man we have now Look how much he's done for our ass! Besides, you cant do that to him You could never be that cold Look at the son we have together, he's going on 2 years old We've started a family here But Heart, you insist on running wild I told you I'm tired of the bullshit And its not getting thru to you somehow
Heart listen, love ain't perfect It probably never will be So don't set yourself up like this Stay home . . .stay home for Lump and me
