Mother's Day

 

Everybody posting pics

And I can't even look thru mine

Is it wrong that I feel resent

Yall said I would heal, in time

I can't shut you out

You're stuck in my mind

Words coming outta nowhere

 As I write this rhyme

I remember your words

But cant recite the quotes

Cant forget this hurt

So tears fall on my shirt

FUCK

I'm stuck on you 

I'm stuck on us

I hide the pain from my kids

Staying strong is a must

I want them to smile

I want them to know

Your memories bring joy

No matter where we go

When they mention you, I'll just laugh

Kanye shrug off the pain

Then that pain builds this wrath

That inks thru this pen

FUCK

I can't eat crabs

I can't drink beer

So I'll honor you in other ways

Whatever to keep you near

And when I face fear

I remember the battles you fought

How God pulled us thru

To get me here this far

I sat beside you till the end

No doubts on my part

May Allah grant u Jannah

The highest

From the bottom of my heart

Pieces Of Me

Shattered glass on the floor is a silhouette of my soul

As I collect the pieces, memories cut deep

Exposing my vulnerable weakness 

That I’ve displayed to you many times

I don’t want to hurt anymore, but I don’t know how to forgive

Frustrated and alone, I convince myself I’m better off

Still plagued by the urge to have you again

Only to be broken . . . again

Remembering Smitty

A co-worker of mine recently passed. It was completely out of the blue and to my surprise, devastating. You never know how much you care for someone till they're no longer here for you to tell them it seems. I questioned myself about why this loss was so hard for me. A friend of mine said to me, "At the end of the day, you see your co-workers more often than your own family. Unknowingly they become family." She was right. I felt a deeper closeness with Smitty.

Tracey Smith was a sweet person. She was genuine and sincere. She always asked about my son (which I now wish she could have met), and man . . . did we have some great laughs. The thought of her passing is a true burden on my heart.

I wish our last conversation had been longer.
I wish our last laugh had been harder
I WILL MISS YOU SMITTY

A POEM BECAUSE OF KRIS

I skim Arabic scriptures
Hoping He can deliver
An answer to my soul’s question
Cause right now I’m stressing
Constantly trying to guess what my purpose is
Because life has to be more than this
I mean, damn its hard now
So when we lose a soldier from the home ground
We are left weakened by incompletion
We all lost a piece of ourselves that night
So let me step back into the light
And revise my sights on what I need to do here
You can’t tell me the end of the world ain’t near
Living cloud nine
Everyday get drunk – high
To keep the demons inside from coming up
Living it up
Cause any day can be the last
So if I’m ever asked
If I have any regrets in my life
I’ll only say I wish I lived it twice
We’ve witnessed life’s ultimate lesson
So if you don’t now realize your blessings
Then my man died for nothing
And all the hurt and pain isn’t worth my sorrow
So quick to scream fuck tomorrow
Long as the night before was sweet
But would you feel the same
If that sunrise wasn’t guaranteed
In the past I didn’t always put God first
Believing I was God’s worst
For all the dumb things I’ve done
Avoiding conversations one on one
As if He couldn’t see what I’d become
So when He showed me this sign
Reminding me this life ain’t mine
I had to draw the line and apply
The knowledge I compiled
Through my life trials
And change my lifestyle
And get right with Him
I sacrifice my health to smoke weed all day
But not pray?
I could cop drinks from the bar
But not attend the mosque?
You talking ‘bout lost
I was the walking definition
And the only thing that led me to this decision
Was the premonition that I may be casts to the flames
Burning in my shame
Cause I wanted to play games
Instead of giving praise in Allah’s name
So on the day of judgement when its time to take blame
I’ll admit I was wrong
Or I just wasn’t strong
Because I refused strength when I refused God
And I took the easy road when times got hard


But I don’t want it to be like that

Rude Awakening

Rude awakening,

As your past sins lie dormant in my mind, till my dreams have ended.
I sit up on my bed where you were once welcome,
Painfully reminded that you’ll never return.
Weeks have passed, and your ghosts still haunt me.
Just skeletons in disguise that once made me a fool.
A naïve heart weakens the eye, blinding me.
I held on trusting you would guide me home,
But you only let me down.

So I can’t let you back in,
That would lower my worth.
Yesterday is behind me now,
Or I pretend well.
Never repeat regret,
It’s far worse than any mistake.
I take steps to make the next day better.
I couldn’t live with our past,
So our future died.
Many nights I cried.
Eyes now lacking the glow you once released from my soul.
It’s too late to console.
I no longer desire the times we shared.
I no longer yearn for you to just be there.
I’m moving on.

untitled

They say its a hard. . . knock . . . life
So I picked up a pen
Cuz I couldn't rock the mic
I just felt inspired to write
I was thinkin' bout my lil boy
(then I laughed)
Cuz he's already a lil man
(then I panicked)
Cuz if he is to be righteous
I gotta get a certified game plan
(oh snap! this aint a game)
See, at work I babysit a bunch of lames
So I'll die before I let my son become the same
When he was born, I promised him the world
And in that instant, I became a mother
No longer just ya'll homegirl
They say its a hard . . . knock . . . life
But everyday I bow before Allah and pray
That his will turn . . . out . . . right

You see, when he smiles at me
My soul is at peace
And to hold him in my arms
Is like a drug to me
At night when he sleeps
Its a joy to watch him breathe
Whatever he needs, I'll provide it with ease
So please . . . Allah
Don't let him have a hard . . . knock . . . life
May Your Will be done
So will me to do . . . whats . . . right
For that, I . . . will . . . fight

Till my knuckles bleed.

Leading Lady

So now I sit outside and listen to others act out my role
Remembering how I used to be your leading lady
Till the curtain fell . . . my tears
I never missed a rehearsal
I never stuttered a line
Now my name is paved on your ex-lover walk of fame
And though I got the star
I didn’t get your heart
Sometimes, I wish I never got the part